| As Susie stammered, my ears perked up. For | | | | Equestrian (they are all high-maintenance), "Ya aint's |
| distraction I called out, "Hey Kathy, put on another pot | | | | fer sures on that," translates as, "Hello, we are illiterate, |
| of coffee." Suzy spoke again. The fact is gouging my | | | | so buy our product." Following this with no offer to |
| own eyes out with a ketchup bottle would not have | | | | expand your knowledge and assist the customers |
| distracted me. A linguistic calamity was eminent. | | | | says, "We may be illiterate, but that's ok. We also suck. |
| The hair on the back of my neck stood up then ran | | | | Thank you and have a nice day" |
| from the room. I knew where Suzy was headed. Her | | | | Tourists passing through have improperly translated |
| speech was like watching a car accident. It all moved | | | | another phrase. "Whatchya doin?" is often |
| in slow motion. Every instinct in me said rip the phone | | | | misinterpreted as the rhetorical "What's up?" or |
| from her hand before it's too late. But she had to learn | | | | "What's happening?" Sadly, that is not its meaning. |
| to properly communicate with customers. Please Lord, | | | | "Whatchya doin?" Literally translates as, "What are |
| I begged, don't let her say it. Then it happened. Suzy | | | | you doing?" Confusion on this matter is based on |
| uttered the words, "We'll ma'am, I ain't fer sures on | | | | timing. |
| that." | | | | "Whatchya doing?" Is often asked when your activity |
| Across America English professors collectively wept. | | | | could not be more blatantly obvious. For example: |
| My mind locked. How could she have said it again? | | | | You're spreading cheese over flat dough topped with |
| She had been with our company four months. Still, | | | | tomato sauce. Mountains of pepperoni are poised |
| there was hope. "Ok lord, you're pretty funny," I | | | | nearby. A stranger asks, "Whatchya doin?" Heads up: |
| sneered. Seriously, could her next words please be, "If | | | | They literally have not connected the dots. Do not |
| you would not mind holding for one moment, I will find | | | | wisecrack, "Installing solar panels." Before you know it, |
| out the answer for you." Ha! No such luck. | | | | you'll be explaining how green peppers affect your hot |
| The gods hate me. After an awkward silence (while | | | | water supply. |
| the caller and I shared an embolism), Suzy proceeded | | | | Here in South Dakota low wages have brought in |
| to take the customers order. Neither of them was any | | | | large numbers of Customer Service call centers. |
| wiser for the experience. I stepped outside to meditate. | | | | Airlines, finance companies, catalog sales, these types |
| Would I have to fire her? I was not fer sures on that? | | | | of companies coagulate around Rapid City. Lately |
| You hear many endearing phrases in the county. I find | | | | there has been a lot of concern over competition from |
| 'a doins' quite charming. Such as there's a doins at | | | | India. |
| Bubba's tonight. Translated this means, festivities will | | | | Apparently the population of India is highly educated |
| take place at Bubbas residence this evening. | | | | and enunciates in a manner more understandable than |
| 'Pert near' is fun. Linguists translate this colorful twist on | | | | that of South Dakotans. Americans, not having Hindi as |
| grammar as meaning, "almost" not nearby. As in, pert | | | | the mother tongue, stand little chance. Still, there is a |
| near everybody ceptin that cidiot been told bout the | | | | certain irony in residence of the Black Hills losing |
| rodeo. Meaning, almost everyone, except the new city | | | | something to Indians. How many groups will that |
| idiot, was informed of the upcoming rodeo event. | | | | statement offend? I ain't fer sures on that. |
| Unfortunately, telling a high maintenance Dressage | | | | |