| As Suzy stammered, my ears perked up. For | | | | Equestrian (they are all high-maintenance), "Ya aint's |
| distraction I called out, "Hey Kathy, put on another pot | | | | fer sures on that," translates as, "Hello, we are illiterate, |
| of coffee." Suzy spoke again. The fact is, gouging my | | | | so buy our product." Following this with no offer to |
| own eyes out with a ketchup bottle would not have | | | | expand your knowledge and assist the customers |
| distracted me. A linguistic calamity was eminent. | | | | says, "We may be illiterate, but that's ok. We also suck. |
| The hair on the back of my neck stood up, then it ran | | | | Thank you and have a nice day." |
| from the room. I knew where Suzy was headed. Her | | | | Tourists passing through this area have improperly |
| speech was like watching a car accident. It all moved | | | | translated another phrase. "What chya doin?" is often |
| in slow motion. Every instinct in me said tear the phone | | | | misinterpreted as the rhetorical "What's up?" or |
| from her hand before it's too late. But she had to learn | | | | "What's happening?" Sadly, that is not its meaning. |
| to properly communicate with customers. Please Lord, | | | | "What chya doin?" literally translates as, "What are you |
| I begged, don't let her say it. Then it happened. Suzy | | | | doing?" Confusion on this matter is based on timing. |
| uttered the words, "We'll mam, I ain't fer sures on that." | | | | "What chya doing?" is often asked when your activity |
| Across America, English professors collectively wept. | | | | could not be more blatantly obvious. For example: |
| My mind locked. How could she have said it again? | | | | You're spreading cheese over flat dough topped with |
| She had been with our company four months. Still, | | | | tomato sauce. Mountains of pepperoni are poised |
| there was hope. Okay, Lord, you're pretty funny, I | | | | nearby. A stranger asks, "What chya doin?" Heads up: |
| sneered. Seriously, could her next words please be, "If | | | | They literally have not connected the dots. Do not |
| you would not mind holding for one moment, I will find | | | | wisecrack, "Installing solar panels." Before you know it, |
| out the answer for you." Ha! No such luck. | | | | you'll be explaining how green peppers affect your hot |
| The gods hate me. After an awkward silence (while | | | | water supply. |
| the caller and I shared an embolism), Suzy proceeded | | | | Here in South Dakota low wages have brought in |
| to take the customer's order. Neither of them was any | | | | large numbers of Customer Service call centers. |
| wiser for the experience. I stepped outside to meditate. | | | | Airlines, finance companies, catalog sales, these types |
| Would I have to fire her? I was not fer sures on that? | | | | of companies coagulate around Rapid City. Lately |
| You hear many endearing phrases in the county. I find, | | | | there has been a lot of concern over competition from |
| 'a doins' quite charming. Such as there's a doins at | | | | India. Apparently the population of India is highly |
| Bubba's tonight. Translated this means, festivities will | | | | educated and enunciates in a manner more |
| take place at Bubba's residence this evening. | | | | understandable than that of South Dakotans. |
| 'Pert near' is fun. Linguists translate this colorful twist on | | | | Americans, not having Hindi as the mother tongue, |
| grammar as meaning, 'almost' not nearby. As in, pert | | | | stand little chance. Still, there is a certain irony in |
| near everybody ceptin that cidiot been told bout the | | | | residents of the Black Hills losing something to Indians. |
| rodeo. Meaning, almost everyone, except the new city | | | | How many groups will that statement offend? I ain't |
| idiot, was informed of the upcoming rodeo event. | | | | fer sures on that. |
| Unfortunately, telling a high maintenance Dressage | | | | |