| As Suzy stammered, my ears perked up. For | | | | upcoming rodeo event. |
| distraction I called out, "Hey Kathy, put on | | | | |
| another pot of coffee." Suzy spoke again. The | | | | Unfortunately, telling a high maintenance |
| fact is, gouging my own eyes out with a | | | | Dressage Equestrian (they are all |
| ketchup bottle would not have distracted me. | | | | high-maintenance), "Ya aint's fer sures on |
| A linguistic calamity was eminent. | | | | that," translates as, "Hello, we are |
| | | | illiterate, so buy our product." Following |
| The hair on the back of my neck stood up, | | | | this with no offer to expand your knowledge |
| then it ran from the room. I knew where Suzy | | | | and assist the customers says, "We may be |
| was headed. Her speech was like watching a | | | | illiterate, but that's ok. We also suck. |
| car accident. It all moved in slow motion. | | | | Thank you and have a nice day." |
| Every instinct in me said tear the phone from | | | | |
| her hand before it's too late. But she had to | | | | Tourists passing through this area have |
| learn to properly communicate with customers. | | | | improperly translated another phrase. "What |
| Please Lord, I begged, don't let her say it. | | | | chya doin?" is often misinterpreted as the |
| Then it happened. Suzy uttered the words, | | | | rhetorical "What's up?" or "What's |
| "We'll mam, I ain't fer sures on that." | | | | happening?" Sadly, that is not its meaning. |
| | | | "What chya doin?" literally translates as, |
| Across America, English professors | | | | "What are you doing?" Confusion on this |
| collectively wept. My mind locked. How could | | | | matter is based on timing. |
| she have said it again? She had been with our | | | | |
| company four months. Still, there was hope. | | | | "What chya doing?" is often asked when your |
| Okay, Lord, you're pretty funny, I sneered. | | | | activity could not be more blatantly obvious. |
| Seriously, could her next words please be, | | | | For example: You're spreading cheese over |
| "If you would not mind holding for one | | | | flat dough topped with tomato sauce. |
| moment, I will find out the answer for you." | | | | Mountains of pepperoni are poised nearby. A |
| Ha! No such luck. | | | | stranger asks, "What chya doin?" Heads up: |
| | | | They literally have not connected the dots. |
| The gods hate me. After an awkward silence | | | | Do not wisecrack, "Installing solar panels." |
| (while the caller and I shared an embolism), | | | | Before you know it, you'll be explaining how |
| Suzy proceeded to take the customer's order. | | | | green peppers affect your hot water supply. |
| Neither of them was any wiser for the | | | | |
| experience. I stepped outside to meditate. | | | | Here in South Dakota low wages have brought |
| Would I have to fire her? I was not fer sures | | | | in large numbers of Customer Service call |
| on that? | | | | centers. Airlines, finance companies, catalog |
| | | | sales, these types of companies coagulate |
| You hear many endearing phrases in the | | | | around Rapid City. Lately there has been a |
| county. I find, 'a doins' quite charming. | | | | lot of concern over competition from India. |
| Such as there's a doins at Bubba's tonight. | | | | Apparently the population of India is highly |
| Translated this means, festivities will take | | | | educated and enunciates in a manner more |
| place at Bubba's residence this evening. | | | | understandable than that of South Dakotans. |
| | | | Americans, not having Hindi as the mother |
| 'Pert near' is fun. Linguists translate this | | | | tongue, stand little chance. Still, there is |
| colorful twist on grammar as meaning, | | | | a certain irony in residents of the Black |
| 'almost' not nearby. As in, pert near | | | | Hills losing something to Indians. How many |
| everybody ceptin that cidiot been told bout | | | | groups will that statement offend? I ain't |
| the rodeo. Meaning, almost everyone, except | | | | fer sures on that. |
| the new city idiot, was informed of the | | | | |