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Field Notes on Country Linguistics

As Suzy stammered, my ears perked up.rodeo event.
For distraction I called out, "HeyUnfortunately, telling a high
Kathy, put on another pot of coffee."maintenance Dressage Equestrian (they
Suzy spoke again. The fact is, gougingare all high-maintenance), "Ya aint's
my own eyes out with a ketchup bottlefer sures on that," translates as,
would not have distracted me. A"Hello, we are illiterate, so buy our
linguistic calamity was eminent.product." Following this with no offer
The hair on the back of my neck stoodto expand your knowledge and assist the
up, then it ran from the room. I knewcustomers says, "We may be illiterate,
where Suzy was headed. Her speech wasbut that's ok. We also suck. Thank you
like watching a car accident. It alland have a nice day."
moved in slow motion. Every instinct inTourists passing through this area have
me said tear the phone from her handimproperly translated another phrase.
before it's too late. But she had to"What chya doin?" is often
learn to properly communicate withmisinterpreted as the rhetorical "What's
customers. Please Lord, I begged, don'tup?" or "What's happening?" Sadly, that
let her say it. Then it happened. Suzyis not its meaning. "What chya doin?"
uttered the words, "We'll mam, I ain'tliterally translates as, "What are you
fer sures on that."doing?" Confusion on this matter is
Across America, English professorsbased on timing.
collectively wept. My mind locked. How"What chya doing?" is often asked when
could she have said it again? She hadyour activity could not be more
been with our company four months.blatantly obvious. For example: You're
Still, there was hope. Okay, Lord,spreading cheese over flat dough topped
you're pretty funny, I sneered.with tomato sauce. Mountains of
Seriously, could her next words pleasepepperoni are poised nearby. A stranger
be, "If you would not mind holding forasks, "What chya doin?" Heads up: They
one moment, I will find out the answerliterally have not connected the dots.
for you." Ha! No such luck.Do not wisecrack, "Installing solar
The gods hate me. After an awkwardpanels." Before you know it, you'll be
silence (while the caller and I sharedexplaining how green peppers affect your
an embolism), Suzy proceeded to take thehot water supply.
customer's order. Neither of them wasHere in South Dakota low wages have
any wiser for the experience. I steppedbrought in large numbers of Customer
outside to meditate. Would I have toService call centers. Airlines, finance
fire her? I was not fer sures on that?companies, catalog sales, these types of
You hear many endearing phrases in thecompanies coagulate around Rapid City.
county. I find, 'a doins' quiteLately there has been a lot of concern
charming. Such as there's a doins atover competition from India. Apparently
Bubba's tonight. Translated this means,the population of India is highly
festivities will take place at Bubba'seducated and enunciates in a manner more
residence this evening.understandable than that of South
'Pert near' is fun. Linguists translateDakotans. Americans, not having Hindi as
this colorful twist on grammar asthe mother tongue, stand little chance.
meaning, 'almost' not nearby. As in,Still, there is a certain irony in
pert near everybody ceptin that cidiotresidents of the Black Hills losing
been told bout the rodeo. Meaning,something to Indians. How many groups
almost everyone, except the new citywill that statement offend? I ain't fer
idiot, was informed of the upcomingsures on that.



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