| As you have no doubt read, the country's | | | | In fact, he fell on his knees in court |
| leading bigamist - distinguished title, | | | | and pleaded, "Please, judge, lock me up. |
| eh? - was arrested in Las Vegas during a | | | | Save me! You have no idea what it's like |
| routine traffic stop. He had made it to | | | | to have 40 wives and 60 children! |
| the number one spot on the FBI's list of | | | | Please, I beg you, put me in solitary |
| top ten hits for marrying underage women | | | | confinement! And throw away the key! Not |
| to devout gentleman significantly older | | | | to keep me in there, but to keep my |
| than themselves. | | | | wives and children out." |
| The much marrying minister, Warren Steed | | | | The judge, who apparently knows how |
| Jeffs, is the proud leader of a | | | | demanding even just the usual one wife |
| throwback known as the Fundamentalist | | | | and two kids can be, listened with a |
| Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day | | | | watery eye, slammed his gavel, and said, |
| Saints. It's 10,000 or so members are | | | | "It's Utah for you!" |
| convinced God speaks through Jeffs and | | | | So Jeffs will wend his newly solitary |
| refer to him as the "The Prophet." | | | | way, leaving behind thousands of |
| The judge denied him bail, convinced he | | | | followers who have, in duped devotion, |
| would go on the lam. The adjudicator | | | | been willing to hide and support him; |
| noted, "These followers are committed to | | | | the affidavit says he has, in fact, |
| him because they view him as their | | | | access to safe houses in Utah, Nevada, |
| religious leader, a 'prophet of God,' | | | | Arizona, Texas, Colorado, South Dakota, |
| and are willing to do anything for him." | | | | and Canada. |
| The devout Jeffs is hardly a thoroughly | | | | But apparently he feels safer in the |
| modern Mormon - if the foregoing is not | | | | hoosegow. |
| too uncomfortable a juncture to stick | | | | Immediately after his surprise arrest, |
| together. While the followers of the | | | | laments by prematurely married women |
| prophet Mormon rejected polygamy over a | | | | began to show up on his group's Website, |
| hundred years ago, the dedicated | | | | detailing the lives he condemned them to |
| disciple of Brigham Young - or bring 'em | | | | lead or risk "losing their own |
| old but bring 'em any way you can - is | | | | salvation." |
| said to have some 40 wives and 60 | | | | "He's not the sole supporter of |
| children. | | | | polygamy," said Lori Chatwin, a Colorado |
| So it is no wonder that at his | | | | City woman who was married off at age |
| arraignment, he did not contest | | | | 17. "It's a religious belief." |
| extradition to Utah, where there is | | | | Well, Lori, how can we say this kindly? |
| apparently ample evidence of his | | | | Sad to say, if you believe stupid |
| misdoings; the charge he will face is | | | | things, you're far more likely to end up |
| "rape by accomplice." | | | | with a stupid life. |